FRIEND FRIDAY | KASEY GASTON

Hey ladies, my name is Kasey Gaston. I'm wife to Jeremy Gaston and mother to five little ones (three on earth and two in heaven). I am a country girl that loves sports and the arts. I can pretty much enjoy hanging out in any scenario.

If I could orchestrate the perfect solo day you would find me curled up with a good book sitting by a firepit wrapped in a blanket on a cool autumn day with a hot cup of coffee and graphite pencils to sketch. The library is my zen place and I wear my nerd label like a badge of honor. I love to simply understand things, so research is my niche. I have a heart for missions, especially Latin America. To those who know me best, I am a compassionate giver. I love to help those less fortunate and I hate injustice against the weak. I am passionate about sharing God's love with the likes of these. So naturally, with the enemy knowing this about me, this is the area that the he wages war against me the most knowing it fights against my God given dreams.

THE BACK STORY

I used to be a pretty insecure and private person. I have struggled with being a people pleaser for the majority of my life which was only the fruit of my inner struggle of insecurity stemming from fear and anxiety. I was the Honor Roll kid that was always the teacher's pet. I believed the lie the enemy whispered for years that you have to always be good to be liked and accepted. If you are not liked, you are not accepted. Though hard work can be a good characteristic to have, when it swings to the far side of pendulum it turns into pride, which really deep down is just an endless yearning for approval. That was, and can at times still be, me.

For reasons of my own, I asked to homeschool from my sophomore year of high school to "strive" and graduate early. I began working as a legal assistant at the age of 16 as life as a homeschool student began. For years, not excluding these, I always did my best to be perceived as mature or older to try and cover up my insecurities. I wasted away most of my childhood, if you will, trying to be grown because I thought that was what got me the most acceptance from people.

Fast forward to when I met my husband Jeremy in 2011. I had been in my career as a nurse for 5 years and I was thriving. Career woman had a nice ring to it and independence was my supposed middle name. In my career I learned really quickly that I loved streamlining processes and receiving kudos for doing a "great job". I found myself receiving my first negative review of my life and it crushed me. I internalized it and became emotionally unhinged at work. I was defensive with every minor professional conversation. I took everything personally out of my own anxiety of not being successful or accepted by all. I never before had a problem not being touted as the hardest worker yet here I was being written up, all because I let my emotions get the best of me. Simply put, unbridled emotions can quickly overshadow success.

Five years into our marriage, three little ones (on earth) later and almost four years after stepping away from my so called career, I found myself butting my head against the metaphorical wall again. God had called me to become more actively involved in ministering to women and especially moms of little ones.

I had God-given ideas and dreams to pursue and a network of beautiful women that God had connected me with as I found myself letting emotions rule yet again. The daily grind of being a stay at home mom of three kids, three years old and under was scarcely meeting my standard of excellence that I had held onto from working outside of the home.

I'm a list girl. I LOVE checking off tasks, organizing and set schedules.

(You probably know where I am going with this as you chuckle to yourself.)

Life with three littles means very little achievement with all three! God would shine a light on my emotional struggle every week or so as I found myself yet again spewing from frustrations instead of overflowing with joy.

BRASS TACKS

Last week as I sat in silence after getting all three littles down for a nap tears began to uncontrollably roll from my eyes. Throughout the morning, I had found myself staring at the pile of laundry on the couch to be folded, the load of dishes in the sink, the messy high chairs and toys scattered that I inevitably tripped over as they all seemingly escaped my attention as other things took priority.

As the release and mental pause came, God revealed how I had reverted back to my feeling of "not executing much" by my inner standard. He reminded me how that morning I had allowed myself to take my internal frustrations against my so called inadequacies out on my little ones. I let my voice raise when mercy should have been given. I was impatient when grace should have abounded. God whispered one simple word, "self-control".

What usually comes to mind is the well-known passage in 2 Peter 1. This is where the Apostle Peter is addressing believers and stressing the point of God granting us "His precious and magnificent promises" by which we can partake of His divine nature. One of the characteristics is self-control.

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins."

2 Peter 1:5-9

Having been a believer in Christ for many years, I had always had my own personal interpretation of the word as simply meaning resisting that extra plate of country cooking or refraining from punching my brothers when they bugged the mess out of me. I hadn't really related it to my nemesis, my emotions. Not to mention the ones that originate from my lofty personal, and often illogical, standards. In that quiet moment of tears God told me to look up the definition of this heavy word.

Webster's defines self-control as simply but oh so complex in it's own right as this: restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions or desires. Then ironically I began to smile as I was slammed in the face with my own reality. What could have meant shame and defeat that would have led to self-pity and a potentiation of victim mentality (that's a whole other testimony) felt like freedom. God shown a light on my "business" if you will.

So to get to the nuts and bolts of it all, the Greek translation of self-control in verse 6 of 2nd Peter is egkráteia (eng-krat'-i'-ah) meaning in the sphere of dominion or mastery. Properly, dominion within. I don't know about you, but I had to sit on that for a moment.

We often give ourselves a pass to let our emotional responses be heard. I mean, it's how we "feel" after all. We are surrounded by a culture that will just as soon ream you over the coals as to let you hit a nerve. Everyone has their own opinion of what truth is and also their own conviction to go along with their own set of rules. We too often put undue pressure on ourselves and unmet unrealistic expectations cause us to act out on others, especially those closest to us. It truly is hard to remove emotion from things.

However, "he who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent" (Proverbs 17:27-28).

God DID design us to be emotional beings. We are after all created in the likeness of the one true God who is Love. Unfortunately, because of the fall, our emotions are tainted by our sinful nature, therefore they need to be controlled.

GET PRACTICAL

In simpler terms, achieving self-control is being a master of your flesh. Only God can assist us in doing this on a daily basis with His logos and rhema words. This definitely contributes to understanding that it is considered a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:23. Left to our own devices, emotions reign. So when we're confronted by a moment of outburst, we must check ourselves.

As I tell my little girls, take a ballerina breath.

We must ask God to reveal the heart of the emotion and to assist us to unearth the bad roots that have grown for too long. Simply mentally, or physically if possible, pause amongst the chaos going on around you and have a conversation with your Heavenly Father. He is waiting to hold you in His lap and above anyone else wants you to master your sin nature. God understands more than we do (as it goes on to say in 2 Peter) that this is pivotal in order to fulfill your intended purpose and to avoid being unfruitful in life.

So to share one thing God has helped me to apply to help conquer the inner voice is to speak God's truth in love. Claim it (out loud) over your life, your current circumstances and even your view of yourself. Our words truly shape our atmosphere. Not to mention the fact that our sanity and true productivity is at stake. We have to be aware that the world is watching, more importantly our little ones are. So I don't know about you, but if I have anything to do with it, the emotional rollercoaster ends with me.

#friendfriday